Monday, 7 December 2009

Elephants and Alcohol

Elephants love all forms of alcohol - but too much.

Elephants drink to forget.

When pissed, they see little pink human beings.

Because they are always dehydrated, elephants are very wrinkly.

Once they've lost consciousness, bankers sneak up on them, remove their tusks and commission small ivory figurines of Satan.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

A Big Hand

Fifteen months ago I started my MA in Professional Writing. The course began with a week's workshop; really, a getting-to know-you session. The object: a short three-act film, an adaptation of the Cornish Giant Bolster legend. Like many giants, Bolster experienced behavioural difficulties. He suffered with anger management problems, terrorised the local people at St Agnes, on Cornwall's north coast, and was appalling where women were concerned. The old tale tells of Bolster's eventual downfall, thoroughly deserved. Our workshop was great fun, broke the ice between the plucky newbies, and the film wasn't too bad.

Today, full circle. I find myself writing a feature on giants for a Cornish magazine. We have quite a few giants in this part of the world, so the legends go. They can be ferocious, making their bread from human bones; or they can be gentle spirits despite their huge strength. Sometimes playful, jealous or violent among themselves, from time to time they are also ardent suitors. But usually they are able to reason; a wise person may deal effectively with them - sometimes.

And today I visited St Agnes. With due ceremony, at tea time the Christmas lights were switched on. The officiating personality? No less than your man himself, Giant Bolster. There he is, above. It was good to see him rehabilitated back into the community.