Polar Bear Found On Cornish Beach

When information came in yesterday morning of a polar bear washed up on a Cornish beach, our local ITV station was first to break the news. West Country's breakfast bulletin reported that an animal more commonly spotted in the Arctic had turned up at the North Cornish seaside town of Bude. Remarkable footage showed a large white beast lying dead on the shore. Presenter Naomi Lloyd told us, "The bear comes from the North Pole, and an investigation is underway as to how it could have ended up in Bude." Quite so.

Alas for the bumbling yokels at West Country, tales of the polar bear turned out to be a mistake. Closer inspection revealed it was actually a cow. The animal had been bleached white by sea water.

The item was dropped from later bulletins, but red-faced ITV bumpkins insisted it had been an easy mistake to make. "The cow caused quite a stir in Bude. Several people had seen it from the cliff top and thought it was a polar bear," a perspiring spokesman said. "Its size and colour and its position on the beach made it look like a polar bear, and we had several calls." Someone else's fault, then. When Naomi Lloyd began her career in journalism, was she a cub reporter?

GCSE Animalology ungraded teenagers would have realised the unlikeliness of a polar bear appearing on Cornish shores; the closest they get to Britain is Greenland. But this isn't the first time something unusual has washed up at Bude; during 2008, seven suitcase-sized packages of cocaine were found on the beach. A surprisingly interesting place.