World Cup Willy

Last night I watched the football match between Engerland and Egypt. Rousing, end-to-end stuff against the champions of Africa. Substitute Peter Crouch scored two goals to leave us wondering why he doesn't start more games for his country. Frank Lampard, of permanently miserable visage, missed two sitters.

And what of John Terry? It seems the former captain of our national soccer team was naughty with a girl, and was caught out. To some people, this makes him a deadly enemy of football. It doesn't matter that John is one of our best players. Last night, whenever he had the ball, many of England's own supporters jeered and booed; he took quite a roasting.

As a result, John made mistakes. Several times he kicked the ball in the wrong direction, as I understand it. Twice he fell over, without anyone from the other team brushing gossamer-like against his vicinity.

But never mind John and his problems. It's uplifting that the mouth-breathing, drunken, boorish element of those who follow football has taken the moral high ground, and condemned John's behaviour off the field by abusing him on it. This will help us win the World Cup, somehow.

How would those supporters have reacted if John had scored a goal? Italian Fabio Capello, manager of our team, must be perplexed by the mad English.