Rooney vs Ferguson 2

Should I stay or should I go? To the relief of weeping millions across the globe, Wayne Rooney has changed his er mind and will remain at Manchester United. A simple contract negotiation carried almost to the brink by his agent, probably. Did he ever really intend to leave?

Rooney's signed a five-year contract for an undisclosed wage thought to be as much as a whopping £250,000 per week. Worldwide, only Messi and Ronaldo are in the same league. The news comes as Britain faces big job losses, as well as cutbacks in public services and welfare benefits; some have criticised the size of Rooney's pay packet. These jealous people should simply have tried harder at school.

Due to injury though, Rooney's not actually able to play for a few weeks. He's told his adoring fanbase, "I certainly can't wait to pull on the red shirt." Presumably a shirt formerly belonging to Alex Ferguson.

But Ferguson has at least kept his man, saying: "I'm delighted Wayne's agreed to stay." Rooney replied: "I said on Wednesday the manager's a genius and it's his belief and support that convinced me to stay." All chums again then. Rooney is the first of Ferguson's players to get the better of him, good to see of course, but a real indication of Spud's power.