Royal Wedding: Pass The Sick Bag

The landlord of Kate Middleton's favourite pub is raising a toast after being invited to the Royal Wedding. John Haley is the envy of Bucklebury – the Berkshire village where the Middleton family lives – after the gold embossed swan-skin invitation landed on his doorstep.

John, who runs the the Old Boot Inn - what's in a name? - will be one of 1,900 guests at Westminster Abbey; also attending will be Posh and Becks, the crowned heads of Europe, and loads of aristocratic girls Prince William once shagged. That said, John will be kept at the back, along with the other ordinary people invited for a laugh.

In the snug of the Old Boot, the lucky licensee was delirious. "Everyone's been joking about it and offering to go in my place, but that’s one seat I won’t be giving up," he gabbled, well in earshot of his remaining customers. "I can’t wait to watch Kate walk down the aisle with her prince, I wish them all the best. And I’ll be part of history."

"It'll be a busy day for me because I have to rush back in time for our own celebration here in the evening" continued John without pausing for breath. He's invited Sarah Ferguson to the pub's party but hasn't yet heard back from the flame-haired royal reject, who's been excluded from the daytime do.

"They often come here for a quiet drink," insisted John as the bar emptied.