Michael Gove: Rule Britannia!

Education Secretary Michael Gove has brushed aside Britain's dire economic difficulties to propose the public donate a new royal yacht to the Queen during this year's diamond jubilee celebrations, according to a leaked letter sent to cabinet members.

In the letter, Gove suggests Britain's economic situation could be temporarily expunged from the public consciousness through use of a distracting large-scale celebration to lift everyone's spirits. The celebration, in Gove’s mind, would be synonymous with the gift of a yacht to the grasping Windsor family. Estimates for such a vessel start at £60m.

When school budgets are being slashed, parents will be wondering how the minister came even to think of this idea. By no means is everyone in Britain an enthusiastic monarchist, and reptilian Gove has no right to ingratiate himself with the Windsors through improper use of the public purse.

The minister has sought to justify his initiative, saying: "The year ahead provides an enormous opportunity to showcase the very best of Britain." But why would this involve handing the Windsors a huge, luxuriously-appointed yacht?

Turning to absurd jingoism, Gove continues: "The diamond jubilee must not be overshadowed by the Olympic Games, but form an integral part of this great year for our country." The only possible benefit of these over-hyped games would be their dilution of the jubilee 'celebrations'.

And remember this. Even if you choose to believe Elizabeth Windsor is a wonderful woman and her husband merely an engaging eccentric, both are very elderly. Before long such a yacht would fall under the control of loathsome Charles Windsor.

Gove’s great plan sits alongside forecasts that this year the UK economy will slip back into recession, and see a further severe squeeze on living standards. It’s good to see the minister has his feet on the ground. Coming soon, arise Sir Michael?