UKIP Wows Scotland!

Nigel Farage, leader of Britain's fashionable UK Independence Party, embraced a centuries-old tradition yesterday when he took part in an Edinburgh pub lock-in! Hilarious eccentric Farage, who often enjoys a tipple, nipped in "just for a quick one" during a visit to raise his party’s profile in Scotland.

As he supped numerous local ales, word quickly spread of the UKIP chief’s session. Outside the Dog and Spanner protesters gathered from Scotland’s widespread teetotal community. Like his companions, to be at the demonstration Angus McProle had booked a day’s holiday from work. “I’m not against them coming here, but they don’t like us and we don’t like them,” he explained. History of Art student Hermione Shrill agreed: “These bastards need knocking up … no, locking up … oh fuck, it’s Daddy …"

After he’d dropped his pint of heavy and been sick Farage was manhandled from the bar by police, shouting: “Bastards, fuckers, I’ll take you all on.” A taxi was called, but refused to carry him because of his slurred speech: “We simply couldn’t understand what the poor chap was trying to tell us,” said C U Minicabs driver Jimmy McKill. Finally, on borrowed bicycles the UKIP leader and his aides wobbled off to their tour’s next activity: a Tea Party.