Roy Hodgson Becomes Engerland Footie Boss!

It's a hoot for Ollie as Redknapp takes a dive.

To the delight of hundreds, the English Football Association has unveiled its national team’s new manager.  Following Italian iron-man Fabio Cappello's departure it was feared Engerland might lose its status as a footballing superpower, but doubts have been dispelled by the surprise appointment of Roy ‘Ollie’ Hodgson.

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, ‘the people’s choice’ and odds-on favourite for Engerland’s hot-seat, was philosophical.  Speaking from his second home in the Cayman Islands, ex-pearly king Redknapp said:  “I’d like to wish Roy all the best but fuck it, no way.  The entire nation was behind me, read the Sun and see for yourself.”   

In an unequalled managerial career Redknapp's won one trophy, the FA Cup, but has also experienced relegations, walk-outs and bitter quarrels with club owners.  He's been linked with various financial irregularities while his clubs have a habit of going bust after he’s moved on.  On the face of it then, Arry’s the ideal candidate to continue Engerland’s matchless record of failure and humiliation. 

By contrast, Ollie’s a coach of 36-years’ standing who speaks five languages.  He guided the Swiss national team to the last 16 of the 1994 World Cup, and secured their qualification for Euro 1996.  He took Finland to their highest-ever FIFA ranking, and has an impressive club management record in Sweden, Denmark, Italy and the UK. 

Blinking in the bright lights of his first press conference as England’s supremo, stunned Ollie admitted gratefully: “I can’t believe I got the job when Harry was available for selection.”  Almost three Engerland players have signalled their approval of the appointment on Twitter, which augers well for the team’s performance at the European Championship football competition beginning next week.