Thursday, 21 June 2012

Jimmy Carr: Power To The People!

Carr: "Looks like alien."
Jimmy Carr’s in the news; the Midwich Cuckoo look-alike has been stiffed by the media. It’s been revealed he employs sleazy avoidance loopholes in order to pay as little income tax as possible.

Some of us may go on about civic duty and funding public services.  But from the dawn of time, when dues were paid with root vegetables, given a choice most people would prefer to keep some tax back for themselves.  Why part with more than you need to – after all, the government will only spend it on things you don’t want, or won’t use.

And Jimmy Carr had that choice. Because he’s rich he can afford expensive advice on how best to deal with his tax matters.  From the numbers being touted, Jimmy’s spent wisely, but he’s committed no offence, broken no law.  In a sense he hasn’t been caught out at all, so why the fuss?

For me the episode’s more about pretence and personality.  Much of Carr’s humour is cruel, aimed at disadvantaged people; I don’t like him, so I’m glad he’s being criticised.  But Jimmy’s real deception arises from the difference between his background and the professional image he portrays.

Carr’s from a comfortably-off middle-class Thatcherite family, and before he entered show business was a blue-chip executive for Shell.  Contrasting with that lifestyle though, his comedy act relies on an entirely-feigned political stance, pitched at pop-up raving lefties with opinions most of us discard as we mature.  One of Jimmy’s recent routines was a lampoon on a Barclays tax-avoidance scheme; how he must have chuckled to himself.

Now though, it’s hard to see his collectivist fanbase taking him seriously.  With luck Carr's public repentance won’t help and after all, it’s not as if he’s offered to pay any of the tax he’s avoided.  No: instead, Jimmy’s laughing all the way to the offshore bank.


Monday, 11 June 2012

Pillsbury: Yet Another U-Turn!

Pillsbury: what a muddle!
Prime Minister David Pillsbury recently left his daughter in a pub following a mix-up with wife Samantha, it was revealed today.  Red-faced Pillsbury forgot the child after a long Sunday lunch with toff friends at the Plough Inn, near his country retreat Chequers.

The Prime Minister explained he was taken home in one car along with his bodyguards, and thought eight-year-old Nancy was with Samantha in some other car.  In turn, Mrs Pillsbury believed Nancy had accompanied her father. The muddle was only noticed after everyone had arrived home.

An aide explained: “The Prime Minister was distraught when his people notified him one of the party was missing.  After a couple of quick coffees, he drove straight back to the pub to pick up er the child.”

Nancy was found preparing for a gap-year in 10 years’ time by helping bar-staff and practicing an Australian accent.  “Talking with proles is fun,” she chortled as drunken strangers, now the little girl’s friends, crowded round and laughed at her antics.  Pillsbury joked: “She always finds her way home – and at least I remembered the meal receipt!”  After tuts from elderly customers, he added: “From now on, Sam will be doing the Sunday lunch!” 

Pillsbury’s security team and the hire-car firm involved, Dave’s Minicabs, have been cleared of stupidity over the incident after it was found Nancy had thrown everyone off by hiding under a table.  But staff and regulars at the Plough are worried.  Barmaid and mother-of-five Tracey Island said: “It’s a disgrace.  I always lock my kids outside in the car where they’ll be safe.” Drinker Bunny Tuffington-Smythe (85) added: “If the idiot can't even look after his daughter, what chance has this benighted country got?”

Mr Pillsbury has also recently lost a bicycle, and is keen to establish parenting classes for the socially inadequate.