Pillsbury Reshuffle: Idiot Replaced By Bellend!

In today's Cabinet reshuffle, Prime Minister David Pillsbury has inexplicably sacked popular Minister of Health Andrew Lansley. Under Mr Lansley's tenure the NHS has received repeated hammer-blows to reduce its service, and drive sick people toward private health. Lansley is a strong supporter of Neo-Darwinism, his views embraced by the Tories as reflecting a sadly unavoidable need for cost-cutting to the bone.

Replacing Mr Lansley is former Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt, the man who colluded with Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation when the company was trying to buy broadcaster BSkyB. Handily for his new duties Hunt believes in the power of homeopathy, which has been dismissed by a handful of prejudiced detractors as "unscientific bollocks". In a statement, the minister denied his aim is to reduce all NHS hospitals to portacabins staffed by children on work-experience schemes.

Meanwhile a spokesperson for News Corp has refused to confirm viral rumours that Murdoch will now be moving into the healthcare business. But thanks to BBC Radio 4's James Naughty, at least the incoming Health Minister has a suitable nick-name to help him in learning parts of the body.