VD - To Do List
- Petrol for shopping expedition
- Bunch of flowers
- Card with badge, song and arse-clenchingly embarrassing message
- Useless doll, or four-foot tall toy animal in pink: lurid pig, Mr Hippo, perhaps a great big hephalump.
- Book table for two (early-bird). Not Indian.
Or instead, maybe the thing to do is have a competition to see which of you can find the most pathetic or stupid VD gift. You'll still have to spend a bit of money on rubbish, but you'll have a great laugh presenting each other with the item you've chosen.