Gott In Himmel: Pope Quits!

Pope: "Thanks, bye."

After his butler was found guilty of stealing confidential Vatican documents late last year, Benedict XVI has resigned from the position of Roman Catholic Pope. German-born Benedict used his senior post to negotiate a shorter than usual notice period and claimed God had told him to step down, explaining: "I was only following Holy orders.” 

To outsiders, Benedict (not his real name) had been something of a controversial appointment because of his Nazi background. Following a school-leaver's job with the Hitler Youth movement, Benedict’s first high- ranking appointment was Archbishop of Munich, famed as the cradle of Fascism, before his present role in Mussolini’s former country. The Pope will now spend more time with his family.

In the face of growing secularism around the globe, ‘Ratzinger’s Reign’ was notable for upholding the Catholic church’s traditional values. In particular Benedict underlined Catholic teaching on artificial contraception. He took the opportunity to emphasise his beliefs during a trip to Africa, where every effective method is desperately needed to combat the AIDS pandemic. The Pope's suggested solution was abstinence. He's also attacked gay unions, gay adoptions, abortion, and IVF treatment.

Under Benedict too, the Catholic church has failed to surrender to the proper authorities its ranks of paedophile priests. Instead, we're told of the pontiff's sorrow and assured the 'situation' will never be the same again. But of the loathsome culprits there’s no sign; no Catholic custodian of decency has handed over these vile people to be punished by the law.

A mixed result at best for Benedict then. With his departure there’s a chance for Catholicism to step toward the modern world. But Benedict’s successor will be chosen in secret by a group of very old men with no connection to such a world, so we’ll just have to hope for the best. Blind faith indeed.