St Patrick's Day: Forty Shades of Piss-Up!

St Patrick's Day is nearly with us again.
 
Sales of Guinness skyrocket; around the world, Plastic-Paddy pubs give out shamrocked t-shirts and hats to everyone who manages 20 pints of the old craic-juice. Lá Fhéile Pádraig is an enjoyable ritual, a vigorous mixture of culture, extreme drunkenness and fighting. But there's a deadly ingredient too: music to make your dog howl.

I love Irish traditional music; for years I've played the tunes on my trusty flat-back bouzouki. To listen to at home, I've a collection of beautiful, exciting songs and melodies. 

But what I find utterly toe-curling are the Irish standards, those terrible songs which every Paddy's Night get thrashed to death. 'Irish Rover'. 'Wild Rover'. 'Gypsy Rover'. And the all-time worst, most hated of all: 'Leaving of Liverpool'. 

Why do I dislike them so? Because year after year, on 17 March I've been driven quite mad by hearing them bawled out in bars by sweating pissed people who want to be everyone's friend. Thank God they generally know only half the words.

So this year let's really search our hearts, make an effort and learn some new songs. Come round to my place, I've got the really good stuff.

Valentine's Day: Shop In The Name Of Love

It's here. February sees the first of the year's Megacorp manipulations, as we're induced to show love and affection for our partners by purchasing hopeless junk.

I love Valentine's Day, though I never get any cards. That's not important. It's the laughable rubbish touted in the name of VD, as I like to think of it, that I especially admire. On VD, if you don't shower the lodestar of your life with tat you're in deep trouble.

VD - To Do List
Garage

• Petrol for shopping expedition
• Bunch of flowers

Supermarket

• Chocolates
• Card with badge, song and arse-clenchingly embarrassing message
• Useless doll, or four-foot tall toy animal in pink: lurid pig, Mr Hippo, perhaps a great big hephalump.

Restaurant

• Book table for two (early-bird). Not Indian.

Or instead, maybe the thing to do is have a competition to see which of you can find the most pathetic or stupid VD gift. You'll still have to spend a bit of money on rubbish, but you'll have a great laugh presenting each other with the item you've chosen.
 

I guess it's important to get your other arf's agreement on this wheeze.

Happy New Year

In Cornwall, for many 2013 has been gruelling. Job prospects and real wages continue to drop away. Housing stock is ever-reducing, though I see in estate agents' windows second homes being flogged off in St Ives or St Agnes: not helpful. Cornish folk are strong, and many live in communities which try to look after everyone. Yet even in these close-knit societies people seem near to unravelling.

More and more I encounter a weary resignation, a battered worn-out acceptance of the next affliction or sacrifice demanded. Constant food price rises; dwindling public services; small businesses starved of cash; the disappointment of the young unemployed; elderly people too frightened to put an extra bar on the fire. Cliches? Not any more.

Just recently it’s been the expense, for many the worry of Christmas. And all the time cruel advertising pounds out the same command: buy more stuff, and be quick about it.

We’re about to enter the sixth year of recession without an end in sight. Banks prosper, everyone else is on their uppers. This is the Cornwall of Cameron and Clegg; it’s unbelievably harsh. I don’t know about you, but I’m almost out of Dunkirk spirit.

Cornwall In The First World War

Newlyn's seaplane base, 1918: a Short 184 floatplane under power

My new book, 'Cornwall In The First World War', was published by Truran last month. With 112 pages and 100 images, you'll find it in bookshops across the Duchy and on line at Waterstones with free UK post: http://bit.ly/I47c9p 

The First World War affected every Cornish town and village; no-one stayed untouched. At the outbreak in August 1914 thousands joined the colours, while Cornwall soon became a vital part of Britain’s all-consuming war effort. Ships of the Royal Navy, aircraft, even airships arrived to defend the sea lanes off the coastline, in a brutal campaign against marauding German submarines. On the home front, for four gruelling years Cornish men and women worked tirelessly to support those fighting in distant battles overseas.

Today, although a century has passed there’s a strong connection with the First World War, through family histories and community heritage. We don't have to look too far back to find those who joined up, whether frock-coated, flat-capped or long-skirted. Conflict raged on a scale never seen before, and Cornwall would play a crucial role in the struggle.

The First World War's centenary represents a unique moment in history. As well as the military events, the book focuses on the people of that time; it's a glimpse of Cornish life a hundred years ago. I hope it will appeal to everyone interested in Cornwall's past. It's also available on Amazon: http://amzn.to/19JbtZm

Cornwall In The First World War

Naval motor launch ML350 leaves Newlyn harbour 
for an anti-submarine patrol off the Lizard, 1917

My new book, 'Cornwall In The First World War', was published by Truran last month. With 112 pages and 100 images, you'll find it in bookshops across the Duchy and on line at Waterstones with free UK post: http://bit.ly/I47c9p 

The First World War affected every Cornish town and village; no-one stayed untouched. At the outbreak in August 1914 thousands joined the colours, while Cornwall soon became a vital part of Britain’s all-consuming war effort. Ships of the Royal Navy, aircraft, even airships arrived to defend the sea lanes off the coastline, in a brutal campaign against marauding German submarines. On the home front, for four gruelling years Cornish men and women worked tirelessly to support those fighting in distant battles overseas.

Today, although a century has passed there’s a strong connection with the First World War, through family histories and community heritage. We don't have to look too far back to find those who joined up, whether frock-coated, flat-capped or long-skirted. Conflict raged on a scale never seen before, and Cornwall would play a crucial role in the struggle.

The First World War's centenary represents a unique moment in history. As well as the military events, the book focuses on the people of that time; it's a glimpse of Cornish life a hundred years ago. I hope it will appeal to everyone interested in Cornwall's past. It's also available on Amazon: http://amzn.to/19JbtZm

Mangling Our Sacred Language!

Goddess: perfect elocution

What’s this current linguistic vogue for stuffing extra syllables into perfectly good words? More and more, the trait’s being adopted by TV presenters and ‘personalities’. Perhaps they’ve picked it up from Engerland’s football supporters.

This isn’t evolution of language; these aren’t new words. Such affectation sits alongside the equally irksome upward-lilt, the ending of spoken sentences as if to say: “D'ya follow?"

So today, instead of struggling to make ends meet, we’re said to be ‘struggerling’. People who run quickly are atherletes, while gamberling is no longer what lambs do. Those who speak in this way aren't composing poetry, nor are they always from Essex. It sounds idiotic and often a touch self-conscious. Please stop it.

While we’re on the subject, TV’s weather forecasters (with one exception against whom I’ll hear nothing) now treat 'Ireland' as synonymous with 'island'. I’m sure that’ll please everyone in the nation of bogs, little people, and great filums like Von Ryan’s Daughter.

Cornwall In The First World War

During much of the First World War, Cornwall had its own defence force: the Volunteer Training Corps. Here’s a relic from those times, a cap badge from a Cornish VTC officer’s uniform.

The Duchy’s long coastline, mostly isolated and dotted with small bays, was felt vulnerable to possible enemy incursion. To help protect exposed and sensitive areas, by mid-1915 VTC contingents had formed in many Cornish towns and villages. Generally its men were ineligible for front-line service: old soldiers, essential war workers, members of the clergy. Among other duties they helped protect national treasures, including precious state papers and the Domesday Book which had arrived for safe keeping at Bodmin Gaol.

The Corps was a national body, the forerunner of the Second World War Home Guard, and given similar tasks. Its members wore a red brassard emblazoned with the initials GR (Georgius Rex), which led to unkind nicknames such as ‘Gorgeous Wrecks’ and ‘God’s Rejects’.

My book ‘Cornwall In The First World War is published by Truran. With 112 pages and over 100 images, you'll find it in bookshops across the Duchy. It's also available on line through Waterstones, with free UK post: http://bit.ly/I47c9p    

Christmas Charades

This Christmas, why not enjoy some traditional festive games of charades:

• ‘Putting Up With Relatives I Detest’ charade

• ‘Enduring Old People’ charade

• ‘Believing in Jesus’ charade

• ‘It’ll Be Worth It To See The Children’s Faces’ charade

• ‘The Year’s Most Enjoyable Meal’ charade

• ‘Visiting Loathsome Neighbours’ charade

Have a jolly and peaceful Yuletide; may your accompanying long-term debt crisis not break your spirits entirely.

Cornwall In The First World War

Here's an image from my new book, 'Cornwall In The First World War'. It's July 1916: pictured is airship C.9, which operated from Royal Naval Air Station Mullion. She's been punctured by ‘friendly’ fire from British troops during a patrol over Jersey. Slowly deflating, C.9 made it back as far as Mullion harbour, where finally she folded in half and fell into the sea. As Naval personnel stand perplexed on the harbour wall, local people watch proceedings from the bank above. The following month, repaired, C.9 returned to her anti-submarine patrols.

A couple of days ago I was interviewed by BBC Radio Cornwall's Hannah Stacey, as part of their World War One at Home project. They're producing a piece on Mullion's airship base, which began its anti-submarine patrols in 1916. The piece will go out during February.

My book's published by Truran; with 112 pages and over 100 images, you'll find it in bookshops across the Duchy. It's also available on line through Waterstones, with free UK post: http://bit.ly/I47c9p

Old People At Christmas

"I'm 84, they never come ..."

500,000 elderly folk in Britain will spend Christmas alone, a survey shows. Commissioned by the charity Hello Old PEople, the study examines attitudes of the young toward older citizens during the festive season.

The survey revealed most young people wouldn’t be inviting elderly relatives to their Christmas meals or parties, and would rather befriend animals than older citizens. Many didn’t have time to visit an old person, especially at Christmas. Others said they couldn’t be bothered, or had a feeling elderly folk already received enough visits.

The chief reasons for older people being abandoned, say the youngsters, are their unappealing habits. Rudeness and tutting; mania for quizzes on flags of the world; a belief their anecdotes are worthy of film rights. It’s claimed many old folk endlessly bemoan the decline of common sense in modern times, and expect reverence simply because of their age.

But some young people did make visits. A handful were religious, others doing their Duke of Edinburgh Award. The survey also revealed affluent elderly people, especially those in bad health, received frequent calls from the young. The Enduring Old People charade is a well-known Christmas game, and can be lucrative.