Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Royal Wedding Tat-Watch

With excitment across Britain reaching fever pitch at the thought of an additional public holiday, sales linked with the coming royal wedding have boosted the economy by £1 trillion. The retail power of W an' K has resuscitated UK business and lifted the mood of the entire nation. 29 April could be the biggest souvenir pay-day the country's seen since much-loved Prince Charles married his beautiful Diana in 1981. Throughout the land shops are awash with ­memorabilia, from traditional mugs, plates and tea towels to even more useless items: iPhone covers, lavatory seats, garden gnomes.

Here's some of the junk available to mark the big day:

Absurdly expensive:

  • Prince William bubbly, £24.99, Tesco. Created by Champagne house Alexander Bonnet, which registered the name Prince William shortly after his birth.
  • Twinings Royal Wedding ­Commemorative Blend, miserably small packet, £14.99, Waitrose
  • Royal Wedding Union Jack Chocolate Bar, £14.95.
  • Charbonnel et Walker Catherine and William ­crown-shaped chocolates, £35.00, John Lewis
  • Rowse Royal Wedding Honey, £13.69, Waitrose
  • Royal wedding teapot, £29.50, Marks & Spencer
  • Kate and William cushion, £30.00,

Prole stuff (but still pricey):

  • 'Will loves Kate' Union Jack white mug, £3, Lidl
  • William and Kate tea towels, £4.00 each, Asda
  • Royal Worcester mug (second), £5.99, from the Lidl Britain range
  • Melamine cup and saucer set, £3.50, Asda
  • Two engraved perspex champagne flutes, £3.99, Aldi
  • William and Kate plate, £5.00, Co-op
  • Commemorative coin, £9.99,
  • Kate and William masks, £2.99 each,
Much of this tat will end up in sales or at your local pound shop, of course; by autumn, car-boots will be peddling little else. The cushion might come in handy if your thing's face-sitting, but make sure you have it the right way round.

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